just stuff

I know, I promised to keep blogging but it's been a while... Sorry I've been busy!

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Yes, I did go to the talky doctor, twice now. He says I am definitely ADD, but what surprised me is that I am also pretty OCD. Wow. Who knew? I guess all those songs in my head are an OCD thing more than an ADD thing. Whatever... ADD, OCD, Dee Dee Dee. Seems like it's all pretty much the same. Give me some pills and make it go away!

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Remember the saga of truck shopping? Well, with the "sky is falling" mentality lately, we decided if we didn't buy a truck now, we probably would never be able to. What with our bottom-of-the-heap credit scores and all (that's a whole other subject I ought to blog about someday). So on Saturday we loaded up the Honda and headed to low-overhead Bellevue, WA. Home of the $700,000 mortgage and the Yuppie European car. We went there because some guy named RCurtis (that's not a typo, it's arrcurtis) had called us and told us he had "exactly what we were looking for". Believe it or not he did, and we brought home the most beautiful big blue Dodge truck ever! I named it Newman on account of the death of Paul Newman and the fact that it's almost exactly the color of his eyes.

Anyway, we had brought the Honda thinking we were going to trade her (Penelope Pitstop) in. You gotta understand, Penelope and I have been together for 10 years now. I love her. I did NOT want to trade her in, but alas, she is aging and really doesn't have a spot in the driveway of my life right now, a truck is what I need. I was very sad and positive that I would actually cry real tears if I had to leave Penelope on that lot. Hooray! They didn't really want her! They insulted her superiority by offering a stupidly tiny amount of money for her, so I said thanks but no thanks and prepared to take Penelope back home. Then a miracle happened... We went to Bremerton and had a lovely breakfast with our dearest friends Scott & Bridget, over piles of sausage and hashbrowns we hatched a deal. Bridget (who loves Penelope almost as much as I, although she calls her Hot Rod) was eager to buy the car! And, knowing the value of such a superior and fantastic machine, she was willing to pay an appropriate amount of money to purchase my amazing Hot Rod. So I am happy. I have a beautiful new truck named Newman and in a span of less than five years, my best bitch has gone from being a mini-van-driving-mom-taxi to being a hot-rod-driving-killer-career-woman. You go bitch! Love ya :)

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So this is random as hell, but I wanted to point out an example of Americans being just wrong-headed.

I am the new Campaign Leader for a fundraising drive at work. Ya know, where the company collects money from you then sends it to the charity of your choice. It's a cool program, the money comes straight out of your pay, so you don' t have to write a check or anything... Yadda yadda yadda. Anyhoo, so a gal calls today wanting to know how you can find certain charities and I decided to go on the website to poke around and see what kind of places one can send their charitable dollars. I did a search in Whatcom County, then by "category". First I put in "Homeless/Housing Programs", there were 8 charities. Then I put in "Hungry/Feeding Programs", there were 7 charities. Next I put in "Aging/Elderly Programs, 6 charities. Finally I put in "Animals/Environmental Programs", get this, 133 programs. I kid you not! Apparently no one gives a crap about the starving kids or sick old people in Whatcom County, but GOD FORBID a fricken Kitty Cat should be without a home, an outpouring of love and cash will hit that kitty cat like a bleeping ton of bricks. I can't even spell the sound I'm making in my throat right now! I say lets saute' the fricken kitty cats and serve them to the fricken homeless starving families, then train all the fricken volunteer veterinarians to take care of all the fricken sick old people. Finally, we make every single one of the fricken Foster Families take in a fricken homeless HUMAN instead! There's my rant for the day and my solution to the County's problems

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Done now. Cya!

By The Way...

Today's song is Dumas Walker's

For those of you not "in the know" it is a catchy little country ditty popular in the mid 80's by the band (get this) Kentucky Headhunters. My favorite line (which I've now sung in my head 249 times this morning) is "We'll have a slaw burger, fries, and a bottle of Skee, bring it on out for my baby and me".

Just don't ask...

Social Networking

Since I really have no social life and part of my job is schmoozing I've decided I need to get better at "social networking". You know, MySpace, FaceBook, Twitter, etc. The problem is, I don't have time to keep up with all the new gadgets and applications. I can barely blog, much less update profiles, invite friends, send bulletins, and so on. Maybe I should get my daughter Kate to be my social director? I could give her extra computer time (or something) in exchange for posting random stuff for me. The trouble with that is, if she's mad at me for some reason she'd probably sabotage me... Like invite the biggest dork from 8th grade to be my friend and tell him I "always had a crush on him", or post comments on my boss's space like "You're a big loser and I should have your job" or whatever... Probably not a good idea.

So I've updated FaceBook, which I really don't like much because you have to be someone's "friend" to see anything about them. I prefer MySpace, where you can lurk and spy on people and they never have to know. That 8th grade dork? Yeah, he's a Chemical Engineer now with a beautiful Barbie Doll wife and a Mercedes. Who knew? The fat chick who was the drunkest, sluttiest, girl in school? She's married to a preacher, has five kids, and her tagline is “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God”, um, yeah...They're living in a mini-van in the church parking lot.

Anyway, that's my randomness for today. Gotta get ready for work now.

Oh wait! Wait! I have an appointment with the talky doctor!!! Next Wednesday. I'll keep you posted...

Ciao

Money talk and stuff

So, this is totally wierd. I accidentally made the first good financial decision of my life!!! Last month with the markets so wierd (and because I needed frickin GAS money), I decided to sell some stock. Keep in mind, we are only talking a couple hundred dollars, but I looked at the six or seven places that we were investing and decided to sell the Lehman Funds. I'd made about $75 bucks on $200 in the last year, so it was performing pretty well, but I just had "a feeling". Turns out I was right! ...for once in my life :)


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Many people would find this strange, but last weekend I attended my ex-husband's wedding. I gotta tell ya, I was a tiny bit worried that it would be really uncomfortable, not really for my sake, but for others (his family) who were wierded out by my being there. Turned out to be just fine. Poor Glenn looked like he was about to keel over the whole time, but Natalie was beautiful, the kids were clean and well-dressed, and it was a short and sweet ceremony. I was the photographer, so I'm posting a picture of the family...


Most of the guests were pretty lame, so I sat at the biker/hairdresser table, which we all know is much more fun than the "family of the groom" or the "young drunk Navy idiots" table. The following is a picture of Dave Pollard (one of Mrs. Parks' ex-husbands) and the very cool hairdresser. Not pictured is the very gay makeup guy, he left early, which is probably for the best cuz he'd had just enough Mimosas to start hitting on the "young drunk idiots". Things were gonna get ugly...


I was most concerned about the former sister-in-law. We weren't exactly close when I was married to her brother, so things have been decidedly chilly since the divorce. She's just a very unhappy and disapproving woman. Take a look and you'll see what I mean...


But after the reception was winding down (and she'd had several glasses of wine), we had a little chat and all was well. It was great to see the family, I'm glad they accepted my presence, and I'm a lot less worried about graduations, weddings, babies, etc. when my kids hit those milestones. I love my ex-in-laws and I am glad my kids have such great grandparents. This is a very cool picture of Paul and Wilma...


So for those of you out there living an ex-husband nightmare, I am proof that you can be friends. Its not always easy, but it can be done.

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In case you're wondering. NO I don't have an appointment with the "talky doctor" yet.
Aaaarrrggghhhh!

Remember me?

Okay, I apologize. I dropped off the face of the cyber-earth for a while there, but I'm back. Why am I back you might ask? Well, I guess I kind of have a new mission, muse, subject, whatever... And also, I've figured out why I was gone. This is a loooong one, so go grab a cup of coffee, I'll sing to myself 'til you get back.... "Like a virgin, touched for the very first time...." la la la

You see, I've finally discovered why I can't stick to anything (no, I'm not made of Teflon! Although the discovery of Teflon is actually a really cool story... ) Okay, I won't digress, maybe I'll tell you that story some other time. I've decided to share my discovery with you. I'll try to blog about what's going on, maybe I'll even write a book, it'll be titled "House Full of Crazy", what do you think? I imagine this will be one of those "Epic Journey" kinda things, because now that I know what my problem is, I plan to try to solve said problem. I'm taking you with me. A literary sneak peak for you.

My discovery? I have adult ADHD. I just figured it out.

Well, not really, we've joked about me being ADD for years, but only in a couple of little ways. You see, I always pictured ADHD people as those who can't sit still, are always doing a million things, speak out-of-turn or inappropriately, etc. None of that really applies to me. I tend to be more super-low energy and put a lot of thought into what I'm going to say. So, while we joke about how impatient I am, I never really thought I fit the mold. Then I took a test...

Here's how it happened: I was sitting at my computer (like always), my house was a mess (like always), and I wanted to get motivated to get up and clean it (like always). I googled "procrastination" and one of the first things that popped up was a site about ADHD with a quiz telling you whether or not you have it.

Here are some of the questions that came up:

Do you have a messy house?
Do you start many projects but never finish them?
Do you pay bills late because you've misplaced them or forgotten about them?
Do you have trouble concentrating on what others say because you're too busy composing your next sentence?

Do you hate waiting in line, or being on hold?
Do you have a lot of "chatter" in your head?
Do your thoughts bounce around like a pinball machine?
Do you "tune out" boring or mundane people or tasks?
Do you constantly lose or forget things?

Um, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and so on! I scored 72 out of 75 and when the results were tallied it basically said "GET TO A PSYCHIATRIST IMMEDIATELY". Really. The word IMMEDIATELY was honestly in all caps! 

So, wow. It was kind of enlightening to think that I'm not just lazy or have no willpower or whatever, I've actually got a "disease" and like any disease there is treatment available. Cool. It turns out that instead of having a hyperactive body, I have a hyperactive mind. There's meds and therapy to fix it! Or at least help. You think I might actually get organized? Get my house cleaned?  Arrange my filing cabinet? Deal with a slow internet connection without going off the deep end? Sweet!

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Here's the funny part...Well, if you aren't ADD you might not see the humor... When Jim got home that night I told him what I'd discovered and that I AM going to go see a therapist to get all straightened out. But me being me, I asked him to remind me the next day to actually make the call and get an appointment. He did. I tried.

I googled around for a therapist near my work and found one only a couple of blocks away, so on my lunch break I went down there. The office had mood lighting and soft background music. There were plants and lamps and mellow colors, just what you'd expect. The hippy-dippy receptionist took some information from me and told me the therapist would call me on Monday to set up an appointment. What? Call me on Monday? Don't you understand? I HAVE ADHD!!! I can't wait until MONDAY to set up an appointment!!! I want an appointment right this very minute. And if I can't actually get an appointment for right this very minute, I want you to look in your little book and tell me exactly when I can have an appointment. Then I can take out my trusty cell phone, enter the appointment into my calendar, and set a nifty alarm telling me exactly when my appointment is. Wait till Monday, sweet Baby Jesus that's gonna drive me NUTS!

It's not Monday yet. I don't have an appointment. I told Jim I should have said I was suicidal. Bet that would have gotten me on the damn mood-lit books!

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In case you know me and you're kind of thinking I'm making this up or whatever, I want to give you a taste of a couple of hours in my head... 

My husband often asks me what I did all day. This is a tough one for me and I usually just produce a blank stare.

"Well, I um...unloaded the dishwasher."

It went something like this:

I got up, and while I walked to the coffee pot I hummed the chorus from "Like a Virgin". Then I had my coffee, smoked a few cigarettes, and poked around on the computer for an hour or so. "Touched for the very first time". On the MSN homepage there's an article about tasty chicken recipes that looks interesting. I cruise around the recipe site for a while and find one I want to try. So I figure I'd better go get the chicken out of the freezer and put it in the sink to defrost. "Like a vir-ir-ir-ir-gin". I get to the kitchen and see that the sink is crammed with dirty dishes, so I've got to do something about them before I can take out the chicken. But first I need to unload the dishwasher. "When your heart beats next to mine". I get about 1/2 way done unloading the dishwasher when I have to pee, so I head to the bathroom. When I come out of the bathroom (which is right next to the laundry room) I realize that there's a load of jeans in the dryer to fold so I start folding laundry. Within a few minutes the phone rings and it's my mom wanting me to check something out for her online. "Gonna give you all my love boy". So I go to the computer to google it and decide first to check my email. In one of my emails there's a link to an interesting story about the Large Hadron Collider, so I click on that and start to read. Within the story there is a mention of Quarks. What's a quark? I wonder, so I click the link and try to find out. The quark story leads to a link about black holes. Holes? Wait! Jim's got a pair of jeans that need to be mended."My fears are fadin' fa-ayast". So I get up from the computer and go rummage around in the closet for the holey jeans. I can't find the jeans, but I do find Katy's baby book. Awwww, I flip through the book looking at just how sweet she was when she was tiny. Which reminds me, I promised to mail her dad a statement from the insurance company. I go to my desk, rummage around for the statement, I can't find it, but it's too late, the mail lady has already come and gone, so I put on my slippers and traipse out to the mailbox anyway. "La La La La only love can la-ayast". (Irritating, isn't it?) I see that there's a notice that some bill hasn't been paid, so I come back in and sign back on and go to my online bank to see if I can afford to pay it. I should, but I instead I notice that there's a charge for $65.00 from Arco that I didn't know about. Arco! Doh, I promised Joe I'd get him some gas for his bike before his lesson today! "Oooh like a virgin". So I change from the slippers to flip-flops and head out to the garage for the gas can. While I'm out there I notice that the horse's water needs to be filled so I turn on the hose. While I'm waiting for the water to fill I check my little garden for veggies and sure enough, there are zucchinis ready to be picked, so I pick the zucchinis and head back toward the kitchen where I notice that I've left the dishwasher hanging open. "Touched for the very first time".I realize that Jim will be home in 1/2 hour so I'd better start making dinner, but before I can do that I need to finish unloading the dishwasher, which I do. See? I was busy all day.

What I did:

unloaded the diswasher

sang (in my head) the chorus  of a song that I HATE about 2,000 times

What I didn't do:

defrost the chicken

fold the laundry

check on my mom's stuff

fix the holey jeans

send the statement to Glenn

pay my bill

get Joe's gas

turn off the horse's water

and a million other things that needed to be done!

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So to make a short story long, what I thought was early Alzheimer's is actually late ADHD. I know I've had it all my life, I was just never really bothered about it until I realized that it's probably responsible for many of the day-to-day issues that negatively impact my life. The main one being my inability to finish anything. I see now that I don't even start many things because I know that my endless self-editing and perfectionism will make a simple task nearly impossible. Aaargh! I will be happy if I can just keep a tidy, somewhat organized house. Hell, if I can complete only half of what I start, the second half of my life ought to be productive and successful. Wish me luck!

Please comment, advise, nag, and tag.